Coping
by nofearonlylove
Summary: This is a sequel to my story "The Coldest Night" - please read that story before you read this one. MORE TISSUES REQUIRED! ONESHOT.- Walking into the kitchen or the greenhouse was still at times a suffocating task for her. Nicky still expected Red to turn a corner, or to come into her cube right before lights out so she could say goodnight. - PLEASE R&R!


**AN: Well, this was a tough one to write but I tried to end it on an uplifting note. Hopefully I succeeded. This is a sequel to my story "The Coldest Night". If you have not read this story, please do. TISSUES are required for both that story and this one, too. I hope you like this angsty oneshot of mine, and if you do, please review! XOXO - E**

The pain was suffocating at first.

For a long time after Red's sudden death, Nicky was a zombie. A shell of her former self. Lorna, Gina, Norma, Piper, Alex and even Boo had done their best to keep their eye on her, to keep her away from her vice's and cheer her up.

But Nicky was finding it hard to move on without her mother. This wasn't supposed to happen. Red had promised her that after she was released, she would be on the outside waiting for her. Red was supposed to be around long enough to see Nicky do something worthwhile, something to make her _proud_.

Nicky would never get the chance.

A week after Red passed away, another inmate was brought in and had taken over Red's bunk, her vanity, everything. The girl was nice enough, and easily intimidated. Nicky had verbally attacked the poor girl that first day. Something about "never taking Red's place" and "this will never be your bunk". Piper had apologized profusely for Nicky's actions, and Nicky had once again, taken off.

She went to the greenhouse, and she sank down to the floor in the corner. She hugged her knees and looked around. This was Red's sanctuary at times. This was where she had told Nicky she had done the right thing, where she had held her in her arms so protectively. Nicky needed to feel close to her, and she was slowly disappearing from Nicky's life for good.

She buried her face between her knees and sobbed. She missed her. She reached into the pocket of her jacket and dug out Red's name tag. She gently caressed her finger over the very old photo of Red. "I need you...I need you here, Red. I can't...I can't do this without you..."

And just when Nicky was ready to give in to the darkness, someone, normally Lorna or Norma, would find her and rescue her once again from herself. They would hold her, or bare the brunt of her anger, or share in the pain of her tears. Red was gone, but Nicky would never be alone. Red would have wanted them all to care for Nicky, and their loyalty to her was still felt so keenly.

They all missed Red, but none of them felt the loss as much as Nicky. Nicky was Red's baby. They adored each other and annoyed each other on a daily basis. Red's sudden passing had brought with it a feeling of emptiness Nicky hadn't ever felt before.

As time went on, the pain dulled. It never really went away for Nicky. It just changed. Some days she could get through without shedding a single tear, others she still felt like she couldn't get out of bed. Walking into the kitchen or the greenhouse was still at times a suffocating task for her. Nicky still expected Red to turn a corner, or to come into her cube right before lights out so she could say goodnight.

In short, her heart remained broken even as she became eligible for parole, a whole six months before her scheduled release date and had been granted leave.

After saying her goodbyes to her friends, and a long, tearful kiss from Lorna, it was Caputo who escorted her out of the prison, surprisingly enough.

As Nicky waited for the van that would give her a ride to freedom, Caputo slipped her a piece of paper. "This is for you, Nichols. I've been saving it for you for awhile now."

Nicky looked at the piece of paper. There was an address written on it. She looked up at him in confusion. "What's this?"

Caputo sighed. "It's a cemetery. Where Reznikov is buried. Her sons already had a plot for her and anyway, I got the address. Thought you'd appreciate it."

Nicky sniffed and ground her teeth a bit. "Her name was Red." She looked up to see the van approaching and then looked back at him. "But uhh...thanks, I guess." She started to walk away and then turned back to look at him one more time. "She was my home here. She was everything that mattered. I know you can't understand that, that you think we are all just inmates who fuck each other over and manipulate things to get what we want. And yeah, that might be true sometimes. But Red...she saved my life. I know you think that Litchfield did, that you are running some sick version of Disneyland here but you need to open your fuckin' eyes, man. Treat them like the human beings they are and stop trying to pat yourself on the back."

When Nicky turned away and climbed into the fan, she didn't turn back. She tucked the piece of paper with the address on it in her pocket and looked out the window, riding the rest of the way to the bus station in silence.

When she caught a bus, she immediately took advantage of that note, and went straight to the cemetery.

When she got there, she spotted the caretaker and went to ask him where he could find Red's grave. The cemetery was fairly large, and he gave her specific directions to find it.

Nicky thanked him and then began a slow, lonely journey to finally being with her mother again. On the way there, she spotted some hydrangeas in the field next to the plots, and, looking around to see if anyone was watching, bent down to pick some. Weeds and dirt came out with them, but Nicky wouldn't feel right if she didn't bring Red something for their visit.

 _Be polite, little girl._ Nicky smiled at the words she remembered Red saying to her so many times before.

When Nicky finally found the tombstone with the name REZNIKOV on it, she stopped dead in her tracks. _Mommy._

She slowly made her way closer to it, and bent down to place the now pathetic looking flowers in front of the stone. After she was done arranging them, she knelt down, and just stared at it for quite awhile. She traced the name _Galina_ with her index finger before she gathered enough courage and strength to speak.

"Hey Ma." Her voice sounded hoarse, and she cleared her throat. "I've been doing good." She flashed her sobriety chip that she kept around her neck, as if Red was there and could see it. "Always tryin' to make ya proud, I guess." She cleared her throat again before readjusting her position so that she was sitting indian style in front of the stone.

She was silent again for a minute or two, and when she opened her mouth to speak again, all that came out was an agonizingly soft whimper. And then the tears came. She leaned forward and rested her cheek against the stone. Red was here and for the first time in so long, she felt safe. Red could always make her feel safe. "I miss you. I don't think that anyone knows how hard it's been for me without you here. I just...wish I could see you, just one more time, you know? When you used to hold me, I felt like everything was going to be okay and then all of a sudden, you were gone. Just like that!"

Nicky began to sob in earnest. "That night, when you gave me your blanket and gloves and said goodnight...I had a feeling...just a weird feeling...and I should have followed you, I should have hugged you and I didn't and I just...I'm so sorry, Ma. I'm so sorry! You were my home and now I have no place to go..."

Nicky sobbed for a few minutes, almost to the point of exhaustion. After awhile, the tears stopped, but she still stayed there, her head resting against the stone. She didn't want to ever leave her. She wiped at her face and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm herself.

And then suddenly, she felt it. A familiar feeling. Hands, cupping her face...

Nicky's eyes flew open and she leaned back. She looked around. No one was there. And suddenly...Nicky didn't feel as if there were boulders weighing her down, and she could breathe again. She covered her cheeks with her hands and sighed in contentment.

She knew then that Red was with her, as strange as it sounds. Red was with her and she was trying to make everything okay again, just like she had always done for Nicky.

Nicky took a deep breath and looked up at the clouds. "Are you really here, Ma?"

A voice she did not recognize answered her. "I like to think she is." The voice was male, and Nicky spun around to see who it was that was disturbing her.

It was one of Red's sons. "Yuri?"

Yuri smiled sheepishly at her. "Yes. Nicky, right?"

Nicky stood up and wiped the dirt off of her legs. "Uh...yea. You remember me? We only met a couple of times...during Christmastime at Litchfield."

Yuri shrugged. "Ma talked about you a lot. Nicky this. Nicky that. You'd be hard to forget even if we tried."

Nicky's eyes widened. "Really? Red talked about me?" She seemed genuinely shocked by this bit of information.

Yuri pushed his hands into his pockets. "Yea. She adored you. Wanted you to come and stay with her when you both got out of there." He sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry that this happened. I know you were very close to her and I can't imagine how hard it must have been when they took her away."

Nicky looked down at her feet for a minute and then back up at him. She swallowed hard. "Red was...well...she saved my life. She was...all that I had in that hell hole a lot of the time and it hasn't been easy these last few months without her, I'll tell ya that."

Yuri nods sadly. "I know what you mean. I come here a lot. At least once a week. I'm glad I ran into you." He cleared his throat. "Nicky listen...you want to come over for dinner? Ma would've killed me if I didn't invite you."

Nicky's eyes widened in surprise, and then she nodded. "You're right. She would have."

The both laughed at that. _What a strange feeling_ , Nicky thought. She hadn't been able to genuinely laugh since that horrible, cold night.

Nicky looked up at the clouds again, and then back at Yuri. "You're sure?"

He nods eagerly. "Of course. I'm a pretty good cook, you know!" He smiled sheepishly at her and then suddenly his expression turned serious. "Listen, Nicky. I uh...I overheard some of what you said. Do you really have no place to go?"

Nicky shrugged. "There's always a shelter. I'll be okay."

Yuri suddenly reached over and put his hand on Nicky's shoulder. "Nicky, listen...it's not okay." He took a deep breath before he spoke again. "Listen...Ma wanted you to stay with her when you both got out...so how about you stay with me for awhile? I can help you find a job and stuff. And at least you'll have a warm place to stay every night."

Nicky shook her head. "What? Yuri listen...that's nice of you but..."

Yuri put his other hand on her other shoulder, stilling her movements. And then Nicky finally looked at him, into his eyes, she gasped. He had Red's eyes. Those eyes that had been able to save her life so many times were staring back at her again. She shook her head before Yuri began to speak again.

"Nicky...this is what Ma would have wanted. She wanted us to be a family...or...something like that. Can we at least try?"

Nicky was shocked to say the least. She barely knew Yuri. But...she did know Red and she did know that what he was saying was true. She bit her lip, and reached into her pocket to caress that name tag again. First she could feel her hands, and now Yuri was here, asking her to come and stay with him?

When she looked at Yuri again, she saw nothing but a sincere, eager expression on his face, and she threw her arms around him. "Thanks, man. I...I really appreciate it."

Yuri sighed in relief as he returned her embrace. "We'll help each other. Maxim and Vasily come over a lot. We've been...a lot closer since she passed away. It's been hard on all of us." He pulled back and was saddened to see tears on her cheeks, which she immediately began to wipe away with the backs of her hands.

The pain was still so raw at times. For all of them. For Nicky especially. "I've felt so empty these last few months without her, and this little time I've spent here with her, and with you, has helped. So...thank you."

Yuri smiled. "No problem. You want a couple more minutes alone with her? I'm parked in that white Nissan SUV over there." He pointed to the car some 30 yards or so away.

Nicky nods. "Thanks. I'll be there in a minute."

Yuri nodded, and turned around to make his way back to his car.

Nicky turned around and walked back to the stone. She knelt down beside it again, and just sat there in silence for awhile. She took a deep breath as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I'll come back soon, Ma. I promise." She gently touched her lips to her fingertips, and then her fingers were touching the stone. "I love you."

Nicky finally got up and began to walk away, her hand again reaching for that name tag in her pocket. Then she stopped, and turned around. "Thanks for always lookin' out for me. I promise I'll make a good house guest for Yuri. I'll remember to be polite and all that."

And with a small smile on her face, Nicky turned around and began walking to Yuri's SUV, and to her future with the family she was always meant to be a part of, just like Red had always wanted.

 **FIN.**


End file.
